Slowing down: health problems versus book
Don’t worry, I’m not dying.
It’s just that the last time a doctor listed all of my chronic illnesses, the list went on so long that everyone on the video call started laughing.
I’m never offended. In fact, I’m usually the first to laugh, because it is ridiculous all the things that are wrong with me. Not too wrong, of course. Most of what I have is manageable. Celiac? Stop eating gluten. Scoliosis? Drill some titanium rods into your spine. (Do not google that).
I’ve done a lot of difficult things over the years, all of which have improved my quality of life, but, as some of you may unfortunately know, the challenge with chronic illnesses is that they tend to come in groups. You don’t just get one disease. You get three. Or seventeen. All of which will take years to diagnose.
Throughout 2025 and into 2026, I’ve been slowly melting into a puddle of brain fog and chronic fatigue. Work has been getting so much harder. The motivation to start writing and my ability to focus have been dwindling.
Many days have I sat down at my desk only to immediately take a nap on the floor. As I’d drift, my chest would swirl with guilt. How do people sit upright and work every day? Why can’t I?
Fatigue is a bastard because it sneaks up on you. Day to day, it’s not so different, but over the course of years, the subtleness of change can make you feel like serious illness is normal. It can make you feel like you’re just being lazy.
I’ve always worked around the exhaustion of endometriosis and the auras of migraines, so when things started getting harder, it didn’t click for me that something else could be wrong. I examined myself as a person first, my work ethic and my drive, which I’ve always considered to be some of my fiercest qualities.
It never occurred to me—or my doctors—that I’d soon be stamping a new square on my chronic condition bingo card: insulin resistance.
Nobody saw that one coming. The first doctor who received the result didn’t even mention it to me, possibly because my lifestyle doesn’t match the diagnosis. I eat gluten-free tempeh bacon for breakfast, for crying out loud! I don’t fit the profile, so the possibility was overlooked.
If you’ve ever been diagnosed with a chronic illness, then you’ll know the disappointment of waiting forever for answers. In retrospect, insulin resistance has probably been creeping up on me for a decade (likely due to PCOS which was able to hide behind endometriosis), but at the end of the day, I’m just excited to feel better.
With the right care, insulin resistance is reversible! I’m starting a new medication very soon and tweaking my diet. It should only take a few months to see significant improvement in the symptoms that have made it difficult to peel myself off the floor. No more post-breakfast naps or blurry eyes that I’d blamed on too much screen time. No more jolting awake at 3 am for no reason. No more brain fog.
Better yet, my husband and I can finally put to rest one of our oldest disagreements: whether or not apples are a filling snack.
And then, of course, there’s the book.
When I say I’m constantly working on it, it’s always true. But happy as I’ve been with my recent work, my speed has really plummeted this year. I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to add 300 words to the manuscript whenever I can, which isn’t a pace I’m used to.
So … what are we looking at?
Well, I think it would be naive of me to forgo a recovery period. The medication I’m starting can take a few months to get going, and though I’m very optimistic that it will work for me, I can’t brute force my way through something that takes time.
Books require brains, and brains require sugar. Mine doesn’t have much access to that right now, so I expect Spring to be a season of rest for me. I will continue working with the capacity I have, because that’s who I am, but the process will be slower than originally expected.
I have so much hope that Summer will bring energy and motivation. And I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but I LOVE the book I’m working on. Sometimes I want to scream because it feels so finished in my head, I just haven’t had enough energy to get it all on paper yet. But one thing at a time.
For now, I think we’re looking at early 2027 for this book, but I’ll keep the updates coming.
Thank you so much for your support and patience! I promise my next book will be worthy of it ❤️
— Annika
